What is Shadow Work? & Prompts to Find Your Shadow
You know those parts of yourself you’d rather others not see? Not know? The parts you would rather not share with others out of fear of judgement, shame or embarrassment?
For better or for worse, there’s a word for that - your shadow.
Our shadow is the part of ourselves that is in contrast to our ideal view of who we are. It includes the qualities, thoughts, patterns, opinions and actions we don’t want others to see. We’d rather those aspects don’t exist, we’d prefer not to acknowledge them, and we definitely don’t want to identify with those things. So, we hide them, we keep them in the shade away from the light.
The concept of the shadow was introduced by Carl Jung. Jung placed the shadow as the contrasting part of ourselves to the persona - the personality we’re okay to present to others. The persona is the self we accept ourselves and want to be sen as.
Jung wrote, “Unfortunately there can be no doubt that man is, on the whole, less good than he imagines himself or wants to be. Everyone carries a shadow, and the less it is embodied in the individual’s conscious life, the blacker and denser it is. At all counts, it forms an unconscious snag, thwarting our most well-meant intentions.”
Yikes! So we have to embody and integrate the shadow? When all we want to do is hide and suppress it, this is hard work. It’s called ‘shadow work’.
I recently recorded a podcast episode, where I share my recent epiphanies as they relate to shadow work. I realised that shadow work is at the essence of all healing work. Whether it’s inner child work, energy work, overcoming the fear of being seen, learning to speak your truth, creating boundaries, overcoming people pleasing, accepting that others can see you as ‘the bad guy’… shadow work is involved in all of them. It’s confronting the multiple aspects of your being, and having to face the ones you had concealed even from yourself.
Personally, I haven’t read much of Carl Jung’s direct writing, but I know a fair amount about his work. One of my main fascinations is working with archetypes, and Jung and shadow work are both linked to this. Working with archetypes is useful as they systemise the infinity of being and of life, tidying it into varying aspects of energy and qualities. Archetypes are helpful in understanding our identity and who we are, but they can also be limiting. Eventually, we can realise that we can be all of the archetypes - all astrological signs, all Myers-Brigg personality types, all Harry Potter houses. Sure, some energies we might be able to express more of - that is just being human - but I truly believe we can embody the full spectrum of being, albeit in our own unique way.
How does this link to shadow work? Well, shadow work reminds us of the contrasting and contradicting aspects of ourselves. When we face our shadows, we realise that our portrayed image (persona) of, for example, a tidy, organised, clean person is suddenly at odds with with our shadow of being messy and sloppy. We realise we can be both, because being human means we can hold opposing views, experiences, emotions and qualities at the same time. We can be wildly happy, and filled with longing; or very motivated, and considering giving up.
Through welcoming these contrasts and contradictions, by understanding that the parts we are storing away are as much who we are as those that we show off, we become more integrated humans. As Jung believed, we need both the shadow and persona to fully experience life and ourselves. Jung and anyone doing shadow work sees the shadow as positive, not something “bad”.
Doing shadow work doesn’t mean we simply surrender into our shadows and that’s that. It can mean working on or improving those characteristics. However, we only get to this second step once we accept the shadow first. The paradox is, of course, once a shadow is accepted, we have less desire to change it! We simply might be okay with being messy and sloppy. Alternatively, we might face a shadow of anger issues, in which case we may believe it will benefit us to work on that shadow. But we can only fully work on it once we face it - we accept the darkness, and then make a conscious choice about what to do next.
None of this is about “purifying”, “cleansing” or “perfecting” ourselves, from a place of judgement. It’s about accepting the multidimensional beings that we are, and releasing the need to portray a picture perfect me. When we shut parts of ourselves off, we fail to experience the fullness and depth of being a human and being ourselves.
How do you find your shadow?
Firstly, we project a lot of it. What we dislike or judge about others can be a good signpost of what we resist or hide within ourselves. You can reflect on the people you find hard to accept, or the qualities of your closest ones that trigger you most. We often only notice that which is already in us, so I invite you to have grace for yourself as you do this search.
Secondly, there may be a pattern of behaviour that you always catch yourself falling into that you wish you didn’t. This can bring up shame or anger, and we may feel like we can never break out of it. Just because we’re aware of it doesn’t mean it’s not a shadow. Such patterns often stay as shadows because we are resisting fully facing and accepting them. We are fighting hard not to confront the fact that we have this pattern, or we say we’re doomed to always be like this.
Thirdly, are there things you don’t share in the name of societal acceptance? Are there ways of being you filter yourself into so that you fit it? It’s useful to reflect on things we view as uncivilised, unacceptable or immoral to say, do, think. Opinions or thoughts you keep to yourself out of such societal-based fears can further point us to our shadows.
More specific prompts that you can reflect on include the following. Not all of them may resonate right now, so I invite you to follow your own intuition and inner guide in working with them.
Shadow work reflection prompts:
Which person triggers me the most right now? What about them is hard to accept?
When I walk into a room, what’s the first thing I notice?
When I first meet someone, what’s the first thing I notice?
If I could describe myself to someone new, what parts would I leave out?
What pattern do I wish I wasn’t repeating?
What patterns have I picked up from my upbringing and/ or parents?
What do I wish I didn’t have in common with my parents?
What was I taught to value as a child?
What was I taught was bad as a child?
Who did my parents want be to turn out as?
How am I different to who I was encouraged to be in my childhood?
What parts of society do I find hard to accept?
When do I feel like an outsider? Are there specific groups of people or individuals with whom I feel this?
Who am I when I’m completely alone? Are there any private pleasures, actions or thoughts I keep just to myself?
When do I feel inferior to others?
Is there a perceived failure I prefer not to share?
Is there a part of my life I prefer not to share?
If I wasn’t afraid of being judged, what would I share more of? How would I be different?
You can journal on these, contemplate them, or speak them into a voice recording.
Something I say lately that helps me when I’m confronted with the uncomfortable is this: This thought, this wounding, this feeling is experiencing itself through me. I am not the thought, the wounding, the feeling, I am just the vessel for its experience.
This can help us to not identify with every realisation or thought, and to stay within our centre, knowing we are always worthy, on the right path, and doing the right thing.
As always, I’m sending you love and light if you are called to this work.
You can listen to the podcast episode to learn more here, or listen to it via YouTube:
